Kathryn A. Frazier
COPYEDITOR ~ WRITER ~ MERRYMAKER
Purim? Lent? Must we choose?
Costumes, dancing and feasting and giving food gifts. Purim is a joyous celebration of deliverance and survival, as recorded in the Biblical book of Esther. Purim is an absolute blast!
The only problem is, Purim almost always falls during the Lenten season. Purim’s jovial mood doesn’t fit so well with the solemn via dolorosa (“the way of grief”) that Jesus walked toward crucifixion, which many Christians observe in the days leading up to Easter Sunday. Must we choose one tradition over the other?
Purim celebrates when God made a way for the Jews to be delivered from genocide through the bravery of Esther. Lent recalls the Crucifixion, when God made a way for us all to be delivered from spiritual death through the sacrifice of Jesus.
Neither celebration is commanded in Scripture. You don’t have to acknowledge either one. But neither one is forbidden, either. And neither contradicts the other. Since I’m an any-excuse-for-a-party kind of gal, I say, why not have both? Why not take the occasion of Lent to seriously consider the life and sacrifice of Jesus, and also take a night off to rejoice? Both celebrations, really, are a time for rejoicing!
One of the most important things on Jesus’s mind–the thing he prayed for just moments before his arrest and crucifixion–was unity among believers. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed to the Father on behalf of all who believed in him, and all who would believe in him in the future (including us!).
Jesus prayed, “I have given them the glory that you [the Father] gave me, that they [believers] may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (From the gospel of John, chapter 17, verses 22-23, NIV. I added the words in brackets and the bold letters for emphasis).
During this Holy Season, I choose to remember the whole Word of God. All of it. And I will rejoice without apology with anyone who wants to join me–costume and all. If you choose only Lent or only Purim, or neither one, I hope you will still stand together with me, as I will with you, in complete unity.
For more information on celebrating Purim, including a recipe for traditional Purim cookies, see the post, Celebrating Purim includes these 4 things.
For a look at the doctrine of drunkenness on Purim, check out Levity: It’s not just for Levites on Purim.
For a Jewish Catholic point of view on this subject, I recommend, Purim and Lent: Haman Hung, Christ Crucified
For a Messianic look at Purim, including its prophetic significance, I highly recommend Purim: Feast of Lots from Hebrew4Christians.com
What about you? What are your plans for either Lent or Purim? Or neither? Or both? How do you express your faith during this season?
Hugs to you all,
Kathy
When and When Not to Hyphenate
Yoo-hoo, Writer Peeps!
Do you know why high-heeled shoes get a hyphen, but running shoes do not? Why the president-elect gets a hyphen, but the vice president elect does not? What if I told you that the white-and-gold dress was also blue and black? Some people think hyphenating is random, that whatever looks right is right. Sorry, but no. We have rules. We can’t just let people hyphenate all over the place, willy-nilly. But I’ve got your back. I’ll walk you through this.
The following guidelines are just a tip of the iceberg of hyphenation, but it’s a place to start. They’re in accordance with the current (16th) edition of the Chicago Manual of Style. CMOS is the most commonly used American English style guide for fiction, and for social sciences and historical nonfiction. Now let’s get started.
USE A HYPHEN
- To separate groups of numerals for easier reading and remembering.
- My phone number is 813-555-7575.
- To express age. Whether adjective or noun, numeral or written, use a hyphen.
- The seven-year-old child jumped rope.
- The 65-year-old asked for the senior discount.
- For compound color names–only if the color is before the noun it describes.
- He recreated the reddish-orange sunset on canvas.
- Grandma showed us a black-and-white photo.
- Exception: Do not hyphenate compound color names if the color comes after the noun it describes.
- Though ripe, the mango remained yellowish green.
- This old photo is black and white.
- Exception: Do not hyphenate compound color names if the color comes after the noun it describes.
- For numbers twenty-one through ninety-nine, when spelled out.
- I counted up to thirty-four in attendance.
- For a number that comes before a noun, whether spelled out or a numeral.
- Our five-year mission is to seek out new life and new civilizations.
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is an 870-page novel.
- For in-laws. All forms are hyphenated.
- Her new mother-in-law, brothers-in-law, and sisters-in-law welcomed her to the family.
- Adjectives before a noun.
- She’s a small-town girl at heart. (But: She lives in a small town.)
- Gerund combinations used as adjectives.
- Mark is a law-abiding citizen.
- Ginny is a mud-slinging politician.
DO NOT USE A HYPHEN
- To break long words at the end of a line. It used to be standard practice to break a long word that falls at the end of a line with a hyphen, and continue it on the next line. This is no longer correct. Let the edges look ragged. Only use hyphens where they grammatically make sense.
- For time, whether written out or in numerals.
- The bus should get here by four o’clock.
- I need to go home by 6:30 p.m.
- Exception: Hyphenate time when used as an adjective before a noun.
- The seven-fifteen class ends at eight fifteen.
- Exception: Hyphenate time when used as an adjective before a noun.
- To express percentages. Percentages are not hyphenated, whether spelled out or numerals.
- The store is having a 20 percent off sale.
- I paid only eighty percent.
- For directions. Make compound words for compound directions.
- The wind came from the northeast.
- The store is located on the southwest corner.
- Exception: When three directions are combined, use a hyphen between the first two. The wind came from the east-northeast.
- For compound chemical names. Chemical compounds are not hyphenated, whether used as adjectives or nouns.
- He drank a sodium bicarbonate solution for his upset stomach.
- Mom disinfected the thermometer with isopropyl alcohol.
- For compound proper nouns related to geography or identification.
- It looks like trouble in the Middle East.
- The iconic work of Japanese American artist Yasuo Kuniyoshi is on display.
- Exception: Hyphenate nouns related to geography or identification if the first part of the compound is an abbreviated prefix.
- The focus group consisted of Cuban Americans, Anglo-Americans, and African Americans.
- Exception: Hyphenate nouns related to geography or identification if the first part of the compound is an abbreviated prefix.
- For adverbs ending in -ly, when coupled with a participle or adjective.
- He wore a poorly made suit.
- Did you think that joke was even slightly funny?
- For gerunds that make up noun combinations.
- I wear running shoes.
- The children take swimming lessons.
WHEN YOU’RE NOT SURE
As I said, these rules are just the tip of the iceberg. It would take many blogs to cover all of the hyphenation rules. Your best bet is to get an up-to-date style guide, like CMOS. Remember words that are usually or always hyphenated will appear hyphenated in the dictionary, so look up words when you’re not sure. Merriam-Webster is the standard dictionary. And you can always ask me. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll find it for you.
Did you figure out why president-elect is hyphenated, but vice president elect is not? Because the word elect is always hyphenated as part of a compound–unless the office it modifies is an open compound (vice president, lieutenant governor, etc.). Okay, that one counts as one of the random rules of American English. But it’s a fun one.
How many of these rules did you already know? Do you have a question about a specific hyphenation rule? Just ask. We’re all in this together.
Peace,
Kathy
Avoiding Bias when Writing Descriptors
Hello Writer Peeps,
As a child, I called my nephew “mentally retarded.” I adored Ronnie, and would never make fun of him. In the late 1960s and early ’70s, mentally retarded was polite. In time, he went from retarded to special, from Mongoloid to Down’s. And now we say a person with an intellectual disability and a person with Down syndrome.
This illustrates one of the biggest changes to American English in recent years: an emphasis on the person first. That is, we no longer define human beings by their descriptors. I’m not talking about Political Correctness. I’m talking about grammar.
Language evolves and adapts to social experiences, and we writers need to stay up-to-date. We can’t hold onto the language of our childhood, or even of last year, if we expect to write for today’s readers (unless you write historical fiction). Did you know, for example, that the official, Merriam-Webster definition of literally is now either “exactly,” “basically,” or “figuratively”? So if I said that the word means literally nothing, that is technically, but not exactly, correct.
It is no longer acceptable to call people names, even if no offense is intended. Do not refer to a person as autistic, a cripple, a gay, a deaf-mute, etc. Every publication uses a style guide, so check yours. Some of these labels are still in common usage, but are technically no longer correct.
Do not say: “He’s autistic.”
Say instead: “He has autism.”
(In the first sentence, He equals autistic, as if the label defines him. In the second sentence, autism is something he has, but it does not define him.)
Do not say: “The handicapped entrance is around the corner.”
Say instead: “The entrance for people using wheelchairs is around the corner.”
(The entrance is not handicapped. It is for people who have a specific need.)
Do not say: “A group of Catholics met in the park.”
Say instead: “A group of Catholic people met in the park.”
(In the first sentence, the group is defined only by their religion. In the second sentence, Catholic is used a descriptor for people.)
Do not say: “This wedding chapel welcomes gays.”
Say instead: “This wedding chapel welcomes gay couples.”
(Using gay as an adjective describing couples, rather than as a direct object, emphasizes people, rather than sexuality.)
Do not say: “Braille is a tool for the blind.”
Say instead: “Braille is a tool for blind people.” (or …people with visual impairment.)
(Same as above. Use the descriptor blind as an adjective, and emphasize people.)
Do not say: “the learning disabled”
Say instead: “those who have been diagnosed with a learning disability” 
You get it, right? People come first–not necessarily in word order, but in importance. This applies to anybody who may be discriminated against or slighted because of stereotyping of their sex, gender, social status, race, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or physical characteristics, among others.
EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE
- Descriptive job titles For example, it is acceptable to say, “Firefighters arrived at the scene just in time,” or “The server brought our food quickly.”
- When bias is central to the writing Especially in fiction, but sometimes in non-fiction, bias is central to the meaning. It is not grammatically incorrect to include biased language when you are specifically trying to convey bias.
One last word of advice comes from the Chicago Manual of Style. “What you should strive for—if you want readers to focus on your ideas and not on the political subtext—is a style that doesn’t even hint at the issue.” (CMOS 5.224)
Are you keeping up with America’s ever-changing English? What changes have you seen? What expressions do you wish had stayed the same? Are these changes literally blowing your mind? Let us know how you feel in the comments. We’re all in this together.
Kathy
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One is the number of unity, so I set up donations to take one dollar at a time. Of course, the more unity, the better. 🙂
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Why “I’ll pray for you” is not always nice. What to say instead.
Scott Dannemiller’s excellent post, The One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying, about the misuse of the word blessing, got me thinking about other things that Christians say that we should probably re-think. One of these is, “I’ll pray for you.” We say it (usually) with good intentions. But to the unchurched, it can sound confusing or even divisive.
When to say it: Tell someone, “I’ll pray for you” if (1) you’re actually planning to pray for them (make sure you follow through), (2) you know they would be happy for you to pray for them, and (3) you think it will encourage them to know you’re praying.
If those three conditions are met, saying, “I’ll pray for you” makes perfect sense. Go for it. But here are some examples of inappropriate uses of “I’ll pray for you,” and what you can say instead. (You can still pray, even when you don’t say so.)
- When you should be doing more to help. A friend tells you she and her husband are having marital problems, and really need to spend some time alone together. You say, “I’ll pray for you.”
What to say instead: “Let me watch your kids over the weekend,” “Here’s a gift card to a restaurant,” etc. None of us has the resources to take on all the problems of the world, but when we see a need, and we have the means to help, we should help. (And pray, too.) “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” (James 2:15-16) - When you don’t know what else to say. A woman in your office tells you that she just got fired. You don’t know how to respond to her teary-eyed news, so you say, “I’ll pray for you.” Truth be told, you’re just glad you weren’t fired. The words roll off your tongue only to fill the empty space.
What to say instead: “I’m here,” “What can I do to help?” (If you offer help, give it.) If you can’t take that on, try a simple, “I’m sorry,” coupled with a physical gesture, like offering a drink of water or a tissue. - To bring the conversation around to spiritual issues. You heard that your brother’s new girlfriend is not a Christian, and you want to talk with her about that. She’s talking about her educational goals, and you answer, “I’ll pray for you.” Now you’re on topic to talk about Jesus, right? No. Unbelievers are not inherently stupid. Most people see through that manipulation, and realize that you’re not interested in them as a person, but only as a soul to be “won.”
What to say instead: If you care about someone and take an interest in their life, you earn the right to talk about such an intimate subject as faith. The most natural and unoffensive way to bring the conversation around to Jesus is to talk about what He means in your life. Talk about your faith as a natural extension of your life. 
To someone you know is anti-Christian. Most non-Christians, whether or not they believe in prayer, accept “I’ll pray for you” as an expression of good will. They may even welcome your prayers. But not everyone. Imagine your Wiccan neighbor telling you, “I’ll cast a healing spell for you.” Though it’s an expression of kindness, it might rattle some Christians to know that a spell is cast on their behalf. That’s how “I’ll pray for you” feels to some non-Christians who have strong feelings about Christianity.
What to say instead: “May I pray for you?” And if they answer no, don’t do it. God knows what we need before we ask (Matthew 6:8). Or just don’t say anything about prayer, and pray for them privately. God hears our secret prayers (Matthew 6:6).- To have the last word. As a Christian, I’m ashamed to even mention this, but too often, “I’ll pray for you” is Christianese for, “I disapprove of you and I will not listen to you.” Someone says you’re a simpleton for believing in the virgin birth or the Resurrection, and you come back with, “I’ll pray for you.” It’s smug and rude. Jesus said to pray for our persecutors (Matthew 5:44), not to have the last word. Pray for them in private.
What to say instead: This is a two-part answer. (1) If the person is sincerely trying to have a discussion, discuss. Discussion involves listening. Hear them out. You don’t need to feel defensive. The truth holds up under scrutiny. If you don’t know the answer to something, say so. Use it as an opportunity to find an answer and strengthen your own faith. Try to find common beliefs that you can build a relationship on. (2) If they’re just arguing, berating you, or showing off, you don’t have to say anything. Humble yourself. Like Jesus. Let them have the last word. Show respect, but disengage.
As Christians, we believe that when we pray, we approach the throne of God and enter into His presence (Hebrews 4:16), so let’s not treat prayer so flippantly. Let’s give it the respect it deserves.
What other Christian expressions have you heard used in a confusing or divisive way? How did you handle it?
Hugs,
Kathy
This post is for procrastinating writers.
Manahoana, Writer Peeps!
It’s been a week since I officially set aside copy writing and copy editing to focus on writing the words of my heart. My writing time seems more precious as my eyes grow out-of-focus and dimmer each day. My goal is to write my stories on days that I can see, for as long as I can see. It’s non-specific, but it’s still a goal, and I’m going for it.
We don’t say it, but we all kind of believe we’ll live forever, healthy, free, and with a sound mind, don’t we? So, with all the time in the world, we wait. Wait until the Muse plays nice. Until we get the perfect software. Until life gets easier.
Check out The Procrastination Rut by Flylady (Marla Cilley)
for inspiration on cutting procrastination and living the life you were meant to live.
I’m not used to budgeting my writing time if someone’s not paying me to do it, so I procrastinated came up with a couple of rules to stay on track. If you have any tips that work for you, please share. We’re all in this together.
- Research first. Some writers get their stories out on the page, then fill in details with research later. As a procrastinator, I know I’ll be trying to bang out quality work as the deadline looms, so I put research first. I’ll check out stacks of library books, sit on my bed, and flip through each book. Index cards scribbled with questions or ideas go into the relevant passages. Because I procrastinate, more often than not, I slack on the task at hand and get lost in reading those passages. And I’ll read them whenever I get the urge to read for fun (often).With no conscious effort, my brain arranges and rearranges the information and considers various angles, essentially creating an outline while I hang out. By the time I have to start typing, the work is practically already written. Our brains can only work on information if we give it to them. So whenever you get the urge to procrastinate writing, just lean into it, and do your research right away.
- Create accountability. As a procrastinator, I’m not good with self-imposed deadlines. When I work for clients, I can make their deadlines. With self-imposed deadlines, though, both the consequences of procrastination and the rewards for diligence are delayed and uncertain. It’s too easy to slack off.
- Original drawing from 1831 edition of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
What’s missing is accountability. This is where a writing group comes in handy. You can encourage one another to keep self-imposed deadlines. If you don’t have a group, pick a friend or family member that you can trust to ask about your progress, hassle you when you fall behind, and reward you with a mini-celebration only when you reach a mini-deadline, and a big celebration only when you reach a big deadline. Your accountability partner doesn’t have to be a writer, but they do have to be tough. This is one of those ‘whatever-I-say-do-not-let-me-out-of-the-room-with-the-monster’ situations.
Imagine how much richer our writing would be if we let research mull around in our brains and didn’t have to cram it all in at the last minute. Imagine how much more we could accomplish if we stopped procrastinating and moved forward.
The world needs your story. Get to it.
Hugs,
Kathy
P.S. This song is very encouraging for us procrastinators. Lyrics in video or here.
Road Trip with Dad to Lincoln’s Birthplace
In 1976, Dad and I took a road trip to Indianapolis. On the way, we detoured to Hodgenville, Kentucky, so we could visit the birthplace of Abraham Lincoln. Dad’s ancestors, the Cradys, used to live next door to the Lincolns, and donated some of the land for that first Lincoln memorial. According to the history book, David Crady: Kentucky Pioneer by Evelyn Crady Adams, Thomas Lincoln summoned neighbor Sarah Crady one rainy night to help his wife Nancy as she struggled to give birth to baby Abraham. (I’m guessing he was a big boy.)
We’d visited the museum as a family when I was little, but I remember only disjointed images from that trip: Dad pointing out a plaque with the name Crady on it, a replica log cabin, like the one where a Crady helped her neighbor birth the future president, and a shiny log cabin made of Lincoln pennies, kept under glass.
Dad always started road trips around 3:00am, to get out of Florida and into cooler weather by the heat of the day. And also, I suspect, because I behaved only while sleeping. My older sister, Terry the Beloved, always behaved and always got carsick. In a transparent grab for attention, she’d throw up. But I aways wrestled the attention back. I’d feign car sickness too, so Mom would give me the concerned look, offer me sips of Shasta cola, and tell Dad to pull over and let me “get some air.”
On those trips, I slept curled around the hump of the carpeted backseat floor in our 1969 Buick Skylark, while the Beloved stretched out across the sticky vinyl benchseat. We didn’t use seatbelts. Mom and Dad would take turns driving. We’d stop long enough to use the restroom or eat breakfast, they’d switch places, and we’d get back on the road.
This time, though, it was just Dad and me. I was twelve. We started out from Tampa 
around 3:00am, as usual. I stayed awake as long as I could. Even though we were heading north, the car felt warm and the monotonous highway made me drowsy. Just about the time we reached Hodgenville, I was out. Dad woke me, but I refused to budge. I slept in the car while he visited the museum without me.
I used to wish that I’d taken an interest in the museum, and in my family’s fleeting connection to one of the greatest men of American history. I used to feel guilty for sleeping through what could have been a good father-daughter bonding time. But Dad just kept teasing me.
He teased me about that trip for the rest of his life. Every chance he got, he told people, “She ain’t interested. I drive miles out of my way to expose her to a little history, show her a little bit of her roots, but she don’t care. She’d rather sleep.” And he’d wink at me and laugh.
Parenting a twelve-year-old can be challenging. I’m so thankful that Dad gave it a try, and that he laughed at me about it for the next thirty-nine years. It was a good father-daughter bonding after all.
Happy President’s Day,
Kathy
When and When Not to Write On Spec
Kon’nichiwa, Writer Peeps!
On spec. As a writer, you’ll hear that a lot. It’s short for “on speculation,” and it means that you write an article, a short story, a screenplay, book, whatever, with no contract and no promise of publication. You send it in and hope the editor wants to publish it.
It’s a gamble, for sure. You can increase your odds of getting that contract, though, if you know when to roll the dice.
WHEN WRITING ON SPEC CAN PAY OFF
- When you’re just breaking in. If you don’t have experience or prior publications, but you know you did a good job, your best bet is to let your work speak for itself. And I mean that. Do not (NO!), do not tell the editor that God wants your story to reach the world, that your manuscript is a great opportunity for them, or that you can see it made into a feature film. All those things might be true. Do not say them.
- When an editor answers your query and asks for more. The first couple of articles that I ever got published were in Home School Enrichment magazine. I first queried the editor, expressing that my experience and philosophy matched the magazine’s focus, and that I’d been doing volunteer writing for my local homeschool group. I pitched a few ideas, and he asked to see specific finished articles on spec, which I then wrote furiously, because the editor was clearly interested. The magazine published a couple of my articles, and that led to re-publishing at Crosswalk.com. And, just like that, I had publishing credits to list on my query letters to other publications.
- When you have no samples to show. Are you seeing a theme? When you’re just breaking in, writing on spec can get your foot in the door. There’s no risk to the publisher, and you get the opportunity to show what you can do. Sometimes the editor even takes the time to comment on specifics about your manuscript, and that’s free professional advice.
- When you already wrote what you’re selling. One of the articles that I’d written on spec for Home School Enrichment, and that was rejected, I sold to another homeschooling magazine that accepted unsolicited manuscripts. (If I remembered which one, I’d tell you, but I know it was a national glossy.) The thing is, once you’ve already written an article or short story, or even a screenplay or novel, you can pitch it without taking up a lot of time or effort. While you’re pitching it, keep writing the next piece.
- When your piece is short. Most short pieces have to be on spec. An editor cannot tell how good or suitable your poem, short story, or essay will be by your credentials, even if they’re stellar.
- When you haven’t gotten anywhere with queries. We’ve all heard stories about writers who were getting nowhere by following all the rules, so they just went for it, and sent unsolicited manuscripts. This is a Hail Mary pass. Your manuscript will most likely end up in the recycle bin, but if you write an enticing cover letter and a compelling hook, you just might get noticed.
Original photo by George Hodin
WHEN WRITING ON SPEC PROBABLY ISN’T WORTH IT
- It will take a long time. If you have an idea for an article, for example, that will take a lot of time and research, and you have not written any of it yet, it’s probably not worth it. There are exceptions. If the payoff is extraordinary, if the editor asked to see it, and if you can sell it to another publisher if this one declines, it might be worth it.
- It cannot be sold in any other market. If you plan to write something that is based on copyrighted material (eg, writing a companion workbook for a specific textbook), or that fits only a small niche market, you probably should get a contract before writing, because you will not be able to sell or use the work if the publisher declines.
- It’s time sensitive. If you’ve written something about current events, or a speculative work about a possible event that will come to pass quickly, you don’t have time to offer it to one publication after another on spec. Strike while the iron’s hot. Self-publish or send out query letters instead.
- When the publication specifically says not to. If you’re looking at writer’s guidelines and you see the words Absolutely no unsolicited manuscripts! don’t send an unsolicited manuscript.
GUIDELINES FOR SUBMITTING ON SPEC
- Always follow writer’s guidelines exactly. Something as simple as the wrong font can make the difference between an editor reading your manuscript and tossing it. Remember that editors are detail oriented. They notice.
- Make sure you know what the publisher wants. Read recently published articles to tell you not only the subject, but the tone (friendly, emotional, factual, etc.) and the vocabulary (reading level, profanity, etc.).
- Know the targeted reader to know if your submission is a good fit. Studying the publication’s advertising is useful for getting to know the reader. If what you’ve written is a close fit, but not quite right, tweak it to fit better before submitting.
- Include a cover letter. Find out the name of the editor of the department to which you’re submitting, and address a cover letter to that specific editor. You can usually find the editor’s name and contact information on the publication’s website. If you’re not sure, call and ask the receptionist. If you don’t know the gender of the editor, or you don’t know how the editor wishes to be addressed, don’t guess. Don’t use slashes, like Mr./Ms./Mrs., or any variation of that. Instead, use the full name. For example, “Dear Robin Jones,” or “Dear E.S. Smith.” Under no circumstances should you address your cover letter to “To Whom it May Concern.” Don’t do it. Just don’t.
Boiling it down to its essense, the guideline is: Does the benefit outweigh the risk? If so, go with God. I’m in your corner, too.
Have you written anything on spec? How was that experience for you? Let’s talk about it in the comments. We’re all in this together.
Hugs,
Kathy
Valentine’s Day Celebrations that Don’t Require a Second Income
This week, Frazierhead (my husband) said one of the most romantic and loving things I’ve ever heard: “Do it. Write what you want.”
I will still write about writing and grammar and Jesus and holidays and whatever else I want to on this blog. But after nine years of writing what other people want me to write, editing what other people have written, and prioritizing paid jobs over my own creativity, I am pleased to announce that I quit. Now I can start. I’m following my dream.
This decision is a leap of faith for both of us. I always say, “My husband pays the bills and I buy the chocolate.” That is, we can live on his income, but my income gives us wiggle room for luxuries and unexpected expenses. Hopefully, if all goes according to plan, my writing income will resume (and increase) when I finish and sell my own work in progress. Until then, we’re bracing ourselves for inevitable changes.
Valentine’s Day is our first test. To celebrate this new chapter in our lives, I searched for Valentine’s Day celebration ideas that don’t require a second income. We don’t need a babysitter, but our teens are still home, so I’d kind of like to get out of the house. Which of these would you suggest?
- Coffee and dessert Maybe we’ll eat dinner at home, then go out for dessert and coffee.
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World’s Longest Sidewalk — Tampa, Florida Local scenery The sidewalk along Bayshore Boulevard is the longest unbroken sidewalk in the world (the world!!). At night, I think it’s Tampa’s most romantic spot. I’m nursing a foot injury, so walking is out, but the bayside rail has built-in seats.
- Jammin’ One of our favorite couple things is to drive with the windows rolled down and the music cranked up, and sing as loud as we can. (That’s right. It’s us that you’re cursing.) It’s as close as either of us gets to the feeling of a roller coaster.
- Card game I learned how to play the card game Uno when my husband and I were dating. He taught me his cutthroat tricks for winning only after we tied the knot. It’s an at-home idea, but whenever we play Uno, it brings back those new-love feelings.
- Sorta Romantic Movie Another at-home idea. Frazierhead and I are not really fans of the romance genre, but we both love good movies, even if romance gets slipped in. See my Sorta Romantic Video Picks for Valentine’s Day. (Bear in mind that list was written before we saw Zombieland, which is obviously the best sorta romantic movie ever. For grownups only. It’s gory. ) I’m open for suggestions for this year’s pick. We could use a feel-good movie.
VALENTINE-ISH OFFERS FOR GROWN UPS
Even though these offers look like paid links, they’re not. They are–from my heart–offers I thought worth sharing with you. Which ones would you choose?
- Free Printable Cards Greetings Island has a variety of free customizable, downloadable, printable, Valentine’s Day cards.
- Heart-shaped Doughnuts Dunkin Donuts is making heart-shaped doughnuts for Valentine’s day, and they’re also running Valentine’s Day promotions on Instagram and Facebook (click http://tinyurl.com/zd5k9xm for contest). And, for us old timers, every day Dunkin Donuts offers a free doughnut with the purchase of a large drink to AARP members. (This just might be our dessert date.)
- Heart-shaped Pizza This Valentine’s Day, Papa John’s is offering a medium, thin crust, one topping, heart-shaped pizza and brownie for $15.
- Uno I found an Uno game at Walmart.com for $4.16, with free in-store pickup.
- Free eBooks If you’re planning to stay home alone this Valentine’s Day, why not cuddle up with a good book? Go to Amazon.com and search for Free Kindle Romance books. I found hundreds of free titles.
What do you think? Have you taken a leap of faith to follow your dreams? Do you have fun and thrifty (PG-rated) Valentine’s Day ideas? Do you know of a great, sorta romantic movie that we can watch on Netflix? Please share your ideas in the comments. We’re all in this together.
Love,
Kathy
Top 10 Perfectly Nice Words that Sound Offensive
Peace, writer peeps!
Last month’s crazy response to my using a single word (shh…it was feminist) got me thinking about David Howard, and the trouble a single word made for him.
In February of 1999, David Howard, an aide to Washington DC’s then-mayor Anthony Williams, publicly used the word niggardly. Niggardly means “stingy.” Williams used the word in that context, in a conversation about government funding. The word comes from an old (c.1300 CE) anglicized word nygart, and it has no racial connotations and no racially-linked etymology at all. But because it sounds similar to an offensive word that Howard–a public advocate and a white guy–shouldn’t say, offended semi-literates protested, and Howard was compelled to resign from his job! That really happened!
I’ve got your back. I don’t want what happened to David Howard to happen to you. To help keep writers out of trouble with the outraged ignorant, I’ve compiled a Top Ten list of Perfectly Nice Words that Sound Offensive, along with their true meanings.
But first, The Non-Optional Apology: I sincerely apologize if I used a word that you did not know. I am only in my fifties and we all do stupid things at this age.
*drumroll please*
Top 10 Perfectly Nice Words that Sound Offensive
#10 honking – making a sound like the call of a goose, often with a car horn
That honking bird should’ve stayed with his flock.
#9 homophones– words that sound alike, but have different meanings and spellings
See? Their, there: They’re homophones, just as I told you.
#8 thespian – a dramatic actor
Mary Tyler Moore was a talented comedy actor, but did you know she was also a thespian?
#7 twite – a type of finch, a little bird
When you purposely make that noise, you sound like a twite!
#6 homogeneous – made up of like parts that are evenly distributed
The school board deliberately broke up homogeneous groups of students with rezoning.
#5 peniaphobia – the fear of poverty
Marcy could afford to live on her own, but her peniaphobia drove her to share a home with Patty.
#4 beanie – a small hat
Marcus nervously twisted his beanie in his hands.
#3 idiom – a cultural expression that cannot be understood by literal translation
That idiom is a flash in the pan.
#2 niggling – slight anxiety or unease
I have a niggling feeling that this list of naughty-sounding words might get me into trouble.
And…*drumroll*… the #1 Perfectly Nice Word that Sounds Offensive……
asp – a venomous snake
If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from that asp’s hole.
*cue wild applause*
WARNING! Think twice before saying any of these words. And maybe gather a committee, hire a lawyer, and do some market research before actually publishing them.
Or you could taunt the shocked and offended with your right to freedom of speech and freedom of the press. Whatever floats your boat. (Just remember, enough wind can capsize a boat.)
Have any good words ever gotten you into trouble? Do you have more to add to this list? Let’s hear ’em! Or, you know, read ’em in the comment section. Stay safe out there, writers! We’re all in this together.
Hugs,
Kathy
What if you were holy?
This is an edited version of a post I published February 19, 2016.
Whoever you are, right this minute, imagine that God accepts you, and that He calls you “holy, pure, and blameless.” And not because He’s tolerant, but because you are holy in his sight. Not after you clean up. Not after you deal with some things. Right now. This minute. What would that feel like?
Now imagine that whatever you have to offer to God, however flawed, imperfect, or rejected in this world, what if that offering turned into–in truth–a holy, perfect offering, highly valuable. How would that feel?
In the days of Moses, and the Ark of the Covenant, and the Tabernacle, God established a priesthood to stand as the go-between for His Spirit and regular folks like you and me. The priests were required to wear a seal upon their foreheads, which made the guilt of the people go away, and made their gifts acceptable to God.
“Make a plate of pure gold and engrave on it as on a seal: HOLY TO THE LORD. Fasten a blue cord to it to attach it to the turban; it is to be on the front of the turban. It will be on Aaron’s forehead, and he will bear the guilt involved in the sacred gifts the Israelites consecrate, whatever their gifts may be. It will be on Aaron’s forehead continually so that they will be acceptable to the Lord.” Exodus 28:36-38, NIV
In those days, if an offering was brought to God by a guilty person, the priest absorbed that guilt, and the person was no longer guilty. The priest’s seal was worn continually, so there was never a time when a person’s guilt could slip by. Whatever gift a person brought for God, that gift became acceptable and holy.
Jesus took on the role of priest and go-between between God and us. As our go-between, Jesus absorbs our guilt, and whatever your gifts may be, they are acceptable to God. You too can be sealed: HOLY TO THE LORD.
“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel [good news] of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:13-14, NIV
God’s seal for us is not made of gold. It is made of His own Spirit. And He continually stays with us, absorbing our wrongdoings, making us truly guilt-free, making all of our gifts acceptable to Him. There is never a time when guilt can slip in.
The seal of the Holy Spirit is a deposit, guaranteeing our inheritance in heaven. When you believe in Jesus, your fate is sealed forever.
Jesus said: “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:2-3, NIV
Right this minute, in the quiet of your own mind, ask yourself if you have believed in Jesus. If you never have, now is the time.
Once you believe in Jesus, you are sealed. You don’t have to imagine anymore. You are HOLY TO THE LORD. If any guilt lingers or recurs, it is absorbed by the seal of God. It is not yours to bear. And your offerings to God, whatever they may be, are acceptable.
If you want to talk about this, or you have questions, feel free to comment and I will answer.
Hugs, Kathy
Functional Shifting in Grammar: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Hi Writer Peeps!
Today’s blog is about words and phrases that usually identify as one part of speech, but step out and play another role from time to time. I like to think of these as “transgrammars.” Other grammarians–stuffy sorts–call them functional shifts.
The thing about functional shifts is that we get used to seeing a word or phrase in a specific role, so when it takes a new identity, we might not recognize it. If we don’t recognize functional shifting, we make wrong assumptions about the word, about its antecedents, the sentence’s parallelism, and the whole situation just gets awkward. So awkward that we don’t even know which slot to let it use in the sentence diagram.
Functional shifts show up everywhere–not that there’s anything wrong with that. This post can’t cover every possibility, but in order to promote grammatical understanding, I’ll give you some examples of functionally shifting words, so you’ll get the idea.
NOUNS AS ADJECTIVES You know a noun as a person, place, thing, quality, or idea. But when it describes another noun, it functions as an adjective.
Their office romance heated up in the meeting room next to the water cooler.
Before my coffee break, I gathered a file folder and some notebook paper.
ADJECTIVES AS NOUNS Adjectives modify and describe nouns and pronouns. But once in a while, an adjective likes to break out and become a noun.
Only the rich could afford a collectible like that.
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” –Jesus (as quoted in the Gospel of Matthew 5:5.)
ADVERBS AS NOUNS Adverbs are swingers. They modify verbs, adjectives, clauses (We’ll talk about clauses in another post), or other adverbs. They have to do with place, time, manner, circumstance, degree, or cause. Most words that end in -ly are adverbs (slowly, loudly, suddenly), but not all adverbs end in –ly (very, almost, ever). We’ll go over adverbs in more depth in another post. For now, let’s look at some adverbs that function as nouns.
Make plans for tomorrow, but enjoy the here and now.
“I believe in yesterday.” –John Lennon, Paul McCartney (from the song,”Yesterday”)
NOUNS AS VERBS When nouns are used as verbs, we call it verbing. The word verbing is itself a functional shift, a noun turned into a verb. Neat, huh? (I love this stuff!) With common usage and time, verbing changes the language, and the word gets declared a bona fide verb.
The rest of the team brainstormed while Gene googled* cheesecake recipes. He said, “I just can’t adult right now.”
*FYI: When used as a verb, the word Google may be–but does not have to be–capitalized, per 2017 Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
VERBS AS ADJECTIVES Verbs are fickle. Verbs show action (I sprang from the bed) and states of being (I am a little teacup). But they like to take on other roles. Here, verbs function as adjectives.
The ceramic owl became a running gag between roommates.
Eighty-nine percent of US children had at least one working parent in 2015.
VERBS AS NOUNS (GERUNDS) When a verb functions as a noun, we call it a gerund. Gerunds always end in -ing.
I prefer swimming over jogging or skating.
Janet passed up the pool for snorkling in the gulf.
VERBS THAT FUNCTION AS NOUNS BUT ARE ALSO PARTICIPLES THAT LOOK LIKE GERUNDS (I’m just showing off now.) Here’s where verbs go wild. A verb that functions as a noun or an adjective is a participle. That’s fun because the present and progressive tenses look just like gerunds, complete with the -ing ending.
Dressing for his date, Mark felt excited but nervous.
So, how can you tell the difference between a gerund and a participle? In a nutshell: if it’s the object of a preposition, it’s a gerund; if it can be modified with an adverb, it’s a participle. But you probably won’t need to distinguish them. They’re both verbs that act as nouns.
For a more in-depth look at the difference between gerunds and participles, check out Grammar Girl’s Participles and Gerunds at QuickandDirty Tips.com.
I could go on and on, but my husband, who just read that last bit glassy-eyed, suggests that I might have already gone on too long. I know you’re still with me, though. You love words as I do, don’t you? In a way that he could never understand.
Now that we’ve shared functional shifting, I won’t have you pre-judging words by their appearances. You and I must vow to get to know words as individuals, and show respect for the functionally shifting. For grammar’s sake.
Can you think of more examples of functional shifting? Are you puzzling over a functional shift, or trying to identify a part of speech? Share your words with me in the comment section. We’re in this together.
Hugs,
Kathy
On a Complaint of Loneliness, by Guest Blogger Devra Carmical
Kathy here: I’ve been married to my best friend for 32 years, but I’m not immune to loneliness. We all know that feeling. Sometimes we feel lonely for a specific person who is no longer with us, sometimes we’re lonely for a friend we can trust, or for a companion who shares our interests. In this season leading up to Valentine’s Day, for so many, loneliness for a life partner feels especially painful. Guest blogger, Devra Carmical, wrote the following word of truth and encouragement for the lonely. Take it away, Devra!
On a Complaint of Loneliness
(not for those gifted to be eunuchs):
by Guest Blogger, Devra Carmical
I can relate. People telling you that you’re not alone doesn’t really help, either, even though it really is true (that you are not alone). I know what you mean about being alone. I’m going to share something with you from the understanding that you are a Christian, which I think you are, but if you aren’t, please don’t be offended. This comes from a place of love.
Here goes:
When Adam was in the garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”
People will tell you that you are not alone because of many passages that speak of God’s presence with us: that He will not forsake us, never leave us, etc.
That is all true; God will never leave us, even if our mother and father forsake us, He is walking with us, even when we reject Him for a season or don’t feel Him there. We are challenged to trust Him even more at those times when the feelings aren’t there.
Getting back to what God said about Adam, that was said before the fall of man. Adam was still in perfect unity with God, walking with Him in the cool of the day, one on one. Can you imagine? There was no sin, no death, no suffering of any kind, no hard work yet, and God was right there, but still God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. Pruning that down a little, God said that Adam was alone. People who tell you that you are not alone are disagreeing with God. Read that again. Let it sink in a second.
You’re talking about something human and they’re talking about something else altogether and really missing the point, but even worse, in a way that puts you down a little, as if you aren’t being spiritual enough. Blech! This just makes me feel even less understood and more isolated. Why do people do that? It’s all they know how to do because they don’t have an answer and they want to have the answer. It’s our nature. They mean only good.
If Adam was alone before the fall, in perfection, before sin separated him from God, then we certainly can be alone in the same way.
Alone in that context speaks of not having human companionship; a human to help us bear the many burdens of this life, which are much greater today because of sin, sickness, decay, and death. More than that, a partner with whom to share the many joys and memories of life and God’s blessings! Because it was not good, God created a perfect partner for him and you know the rest of the story.
When I’m feeling alone,
I remind myself that God has a perfect plan for my most sinful self and all my mistakes, my broken, lonely life. He knew back in the garden everything you and I would do and suffer, and He already had a plan for our reconciliation with Himself and our comfort and joy on this earth. The promises aren’t all about eternity – He cares for you here and now, too! I remind myself that He really is with me, helping carry my burdens, arranging things to provide for me before I even know about a need. I thank Him for every little thing: I have food to cook and errands to run, a job to do, and people to love and serve, etc.
This is a key:
There are lots of promises associated with thankfulness and praise. When Job lost everything, the first thing he did was worship, and God restored him beyond anything he could have asked. God is doing more for me (and for you) than any human partner can do. (As a matter of fact, not long ago, I realized I might not even want a partner because so many men think of a household as a hierarchy, where they are somehow closer to God than the woman and I asked God to only bring me one if that partner wouldn’t try to wedge himself between myself and Him.)
Anyway, I talk to Him just like I would talk to a husband or a good friend, even getting totally ugly sometimes, open and honest, crying out, asking questions, reminding Him of His promises to me to change me and deliver me from every time of trouble as I learn to trust Him more. People love the Psalms that are nice and pretty, and they are precious and holy, but some of David’s Psalms aren’t so “nice” – they’re full of crying out and even complaint (not the kind of complaining the Israelites did in the desert of Sinai – that brought about terrible things). You’re not telling Him anything He doesn’t already know, but it’s good to get it out. Ask Him to change you and your desires, if necessary.
He knows exactly what you need and He will do it, whatever it is. Ask in faith and watch with expectation for the coming of your answers. They are already on the way. Imagine God working behind the scenes bringing about everything you need, things you haven’t even imagined or asked for! Lift your head! Let Him prepare you for these things, so that when they come, you’ll be ready to fully receive and ready to handle them in a way that will bring prosperity and deep joy. The testimony can only be as great as the test!
We don’t have to be strong all the time.
Rely on His strength. I imagine myself on a roller-coaster sometimes, about to go down that big hill. I have no control. I have to trust the engineers that designed the ride, the mechanics who maintain it, even the teenager at the control panel. So it is with God, when you’re in a situation you don’t control. Do good whenever you get the chance, then sit back and enjoy the thrill of the ride! You’re in good hands. Learn to relax. Put relaxing on your to-do list and do it, just as if it were something someone else needed.
—
Kathy here again. Thank you, Devra!
Readers, how do you handle loneliness when you see it in others? How do you handle it when you feel it yourself? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
Hugs,
Kathy
