Kathy here: I’ve been married to my best friend for 32 years, but I’m not immune to loneliness. We all know that feeling. Sometimes we feel lonely for a specific person who is no longer with us, sometimes we’re lonely for a friend we can trust, or for a companion who shares our interests. In this season leading up to Valentine’s Day, for so many, loneliness for a life partner feels especially painful. Guest blogger, Devra Carmical, wrote the following word of truth and encouragement for the lonely. Take it away, Devra!
On a Complaint of Loneliness
(not for those gifted to be eunuchs):
by Guest Blogger, Devra Carmical
I can relate. People telling you that you’re not alone doesn’t really help, either, even though it really is true (that you are not alone). I know what you mean about being alone. I’m going to share something with you from the understanding that you are a Christian, which I think you are, but if you aren’t, please don’t be offended. This comes from a place of love.
When Adam was in the garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”
That is all true; God will never leave us, even if our mother and father forsake us, He is walking with us, even when we reject Him for a season or don’t feel Him there. We are challenged to trust Him even more at those times when the feelings aren’t there.
Getting back to what God said about Adam, that was said before the fall of man. Adam was still in perfect unity with God, walking with Him in the cool of the day, one on one. Can you imagine? There was no sin, no death, no suffering of any kind, no hard work yet, and God was right there, but still God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. Pruning that down a little, God said that Adam was alone. People who tell you that you are not alone are disagreeing with God. Read that again. Let it sink in a second.
You’re talking about something human and they’re talking about something else altogether and really missing the point, but even worse, in a way that puts you down a little, as if you aren’t being spiritual enough. Blech! This just makes me feel even less understood and more isolated. Why do people do that? It’s all they know how to do because they don’t have an answer and they want to have the answer. It’s our nature. They mean only good.
If Adam was alone before the fall, in perfection, before sin separated him from God, then we certainly can be alone in the same way.
Alone in that context speaks of not having human companionship; a human to help us bear the many burdens of this life, which are much greater today because of sin, sickness, decay, and death. More than that, a partner with whom to share the many joys and memories of life and God’s blessings! Because it was not good, God created a perfect partner for him and you know the rest of the story.
When I’m feeling alone,
I remind myself that God has a perfect plan for my most sinful self and all my mistakes, my broken, lonely life. He knew back in the garden everything you and I would do and suffer, and He already had a plan for our reconciliation with Himself and our comfort and joy on this earth. The promises aren’t all about eternity – He cares for you here and now, too! I remind myself that He really is with me, helping carry my burdens, arranging things to provide for me before I even know about a need. I thank Him for every little thing: I have food to cook and errands to run, a job to do, and people to love and serve, etc.
This is a key:
There are lots of promises associated with thankfulness and praise. When Job lost everything, the first thing he did was worship, and God restored him beyond anything he could have asked. God is doing more for me (and for you) than any human partner can do. (As a matter of fact, not long ago, I realized I might not even want a partner because so many men think of a household as a hierarchy, where they are somehow closer to God than the woman and I asked God to only bring me one if that partner wouldn’t try to wedge himself between myself and Him.)
Anyway, I talk to Him just like I would talk to a husband or a good friend, even getting totally ugly sometimes, open and honest, crying out, asking questions, reminding Him of His promises to me to change me and deliver me from every time of trouble as I learn to trust Him more. People love the Psalms that are nice and pretty, and they are precious and holy, but some of David’s Psalms aren’t so “nice” – they’re full of crying out and even complaint (not the kind of complaining the Israelites did in the desert of Sinai – that brought about terrible things). You’re not telling Him anything He doesn’t already know, but it’s good to get it out. Ask Him to change you and your desires, if necessary.
He knows exactly what you need and He will do it, whatever it is. Ask in faith and watch with expectation for the coming of your answers. They are already on the way. Imagine God working behind the scenes bringing about everything you need, things you haven’t even imagined or asked for! Lift your head! Let Him prepare you for these things, so that when they come, you’ll be ready to fully receive and ready to handle them in a way that will bring prosperity and deep joy. The testimony can only be as great as the test!
We don’t have to be strong all the time.
Rely on His strength. I imagine myself on a roller-coaster sometimes, about to go down that big hill. I have no control. I have to trust the engineers that designed the ride, the mechanics who maintain it, even the teenager at the control panel. So it is with God, when you’re in a situation you don’t control. Do good whenever you get the chance, then sit back and enjoy the thrill of the ride! You’re in good hands. Learn to relax. Put relaxing on your to-do list and do it, just as if it were something someone else needed.
Kathy here again. Thank you, Devra!
Readers, how do you handle loneliness when you see it in others? How do you handle it when you feel it yourself? Let’s talk about it in the comments.